she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
