So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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