i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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