He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
