he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
