sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
