my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
