I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
