Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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