I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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