you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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