i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
