the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
