it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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