your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
