he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
