the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
