I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The Olympian is in my bed
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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