I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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