my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
