eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize