He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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