I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
