Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
