haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
