My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
