we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
