Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
