If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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