Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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