This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
