that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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