his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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