If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
