totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
