Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
