I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
