my phone needs a breathalizer
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
