my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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