Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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