this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
