farters have to be the big spoon...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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