who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ruined the universe
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
