You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
