How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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