Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
