The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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