my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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