To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
