I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
