this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is the high leading the old right now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
