I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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