White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
