Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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