Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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