why didn't you poke me back
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
