Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
