Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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