So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
