im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
