I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
