I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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