Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
