I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
