You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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