No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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