Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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