I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
