I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
