my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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