Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize