he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
