Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
