I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
