please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
