bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
