I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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