He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
