Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
