Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
